Lady Lavinia Dasani

I was reading through the topic of BDSM in my class and I thought it will be really useful for others. Understanding more about this world could certainly help in diminishing the idea that it is scary.

This little piece of article here might help more of you, my dear readers, to approach the topic of BDSM with a different mindset as you get into reading the new book
‘Affair of the Heart’ – A standalone fiction novel.

As part of a study on sexuality and sex, psychologists such as Langdridge, D. and Butt, T. W. tried to understand the complex world of BDSM through the practitioner’s viewpoint by using a more qualitative approach. Given the literal definition of BDSM is; Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Master and Slave, this world is often misconstrued and not fully explored by many.

However, Langdridge and Butt, research on a BDSM website have shown consent was a reoccurring theme in the BDSM community. Scenarios are planned well ahead of time, conversation sessions are held for a better understanding between the dominant and the submissive, and safe words are created to stop any activity immediately.

Based on Langdridge, D. and Butt, T. W. (2004) article on ‘A hermeneutic phenomenological investigation of the construction of sadomasochistic identities’, Sexualities, vol. 7, no. 1, pp. 31–53, the key element of open communication and consent is threaded. Despite not being a more ‘conventional’ sexual practice, BDSM’s practitioners are seen to be more in tune with their partners. Some even revealed this practice helps them test boundaries, build on their confidence and break free from the sex and gender roles prescribed by society.

‘Probably the most important concept in erotic power exchange is the concept of negotiation. Partners negotiate about their fantasies, feelings, needs, dreams, barriers and hidden desires. This is not the ‘if I give this I get that’ type of negotiation. The objective is to exchange your feelings, barriers and fantasies in an open and honest way. The partners try to establish where they meet, how much common ground they can cover and what are absolute ‘no go’ areas. In fact there is no other relationship that requires so much communication. Both partners, dominant as well as submissive, share an equal responsibility towards themselves and each other.’

(Quoted in Langdridge and Butt, 2004, p. 46)

Another direct quotation from my psychology course:

‘Gary W. Taylor and Jane M. Ussher (2001) and Darren Langdridge and Trevor Butt (2004) studies show that participants report experiencing BDSM as a source of intimacy, pleasure and transcendence, as well as a means of personal growth.

‘The topic of what is known as ‘conventional sex’ is often neglected within mainstream sex advice despite the high prevalence of sexual abuse and violence (Barker et al., 2016).’

These quotes perfectly described why BDSM is not as dangerous as most postulates. It is a matter of trust, choice and being fully open with one’s partner.

REFERENCE

Langdridge, D. and Butt, T. W. (2004) ‘A hermeneutic phenomenological investigation of the construction of sadomasochistic identities’, Sexualities, vol. 7, no. 1, pp. 31–53.

Bowes-Catton, H. (2015) ‘Sex and Sexuality’, in Turner, J. and John Barker, M. (eds) Living Psychology: From the Everyday to the Extraordinary, Oxford, Oxford University Press/Milton Keynes, The Open University, pp. 217-218.

Now for more information on the book ‘Affair of The Heart’:

https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B07SR9YTTX

https://www.goodreads.com/goodreadscomlavinia